painting the space between inner and outer worlds...
oil paintings that invite stillness, reflection, and return
a body of work shaped over three decades, where inner landscapes, emotional thresholds, and states of becoming take form through color, gesture, and depth
these paintings are not made to pass quickly before the eye... they ask for presence
often large in scale and layered through an intuitive, meditative process, each work unfolds over time: first as atmosphere, then as sensation, then as recognition.
for some, they feel like journeys...
for others, like mirrors...
for many, they become both...
circumstances have shaped what what remains from my earlier journeys to the canvas...
paintings, installations, art has been swallowed by time...
destroyed by things unrelated....
forcing growth...
forcing me to expand...
forcing me to step into the "one"...
this piece is the begining of this visual journey....
... and it was my first glimps towards the inner light....
the first hint at the journeys awaiting right at the end of my brushtrokes, as I was letting the the "one" finally make itself felt, tangible, in this 3D universe...
i am a typical "cancer", so I'll sidestep if i can, and that, i've learned, still means progress, to me... this was me taking a step sideways ... trying to find the path doesn't necessarily mean that you'll find the path...
... and this was a beautiful version of reality.... ok, that's what it kind of felt like while it was happening... beautiful... but foreign, cold, definitelly not towards the light... but really, this was clearly not for me...
this, and it is good, it's not speaking to my eternal soul... it's not coming from "the one"... so I had to pause and let it pass through me... let it go...
I have always been ready for "the one"... this wasn't it...
many experiments, adventures, and many journeys in this physical world, and then seems like, many more journeys within, I kept on trying to find truth... love... light...
... and discovering more of it in every brustroke....
... until my soul started freeing itself....
..... but I wasn't there yet....
traces of "the one" pepper my work... from the beginning... through time.... without time..... always now...
i found it resonating through me, into this world, vibrating at another level... at a level that I don't even dare express out loud...
other people find love, universe, god, "the one", with psychadelics, in trance, in prayer, for a short time.... they they forget... and they keep chasing another moment of bliss, through another external mode.... but it's never "out there"....
i find it within... through a portal that i fell / lifted /moved through very early in my life... not knowing what it was, a plunge within into all the darkness but also extremely bright sparkling light, alone but completely surrounded by everything that was, is, will be, by presence, pure love, joy, completeness, everything, everything i ever wanted, everything i always was, in my complete version as me the universe, me the entirety of "the one", not me an infinitelly small and transient part of no consequence ... i was the ocean, not the drop...
... and for years i couldn't understand what that experience was for me... for years i felt like there, in those moments, i was on the other side of life.... but that wasn't it... that is LIFE... here we are just infinitisimally small, individual experiences of that LIFE... we're here to show "the one" to itself... we're here to express all that creative, expansive, unrelenting, truth love light to itself... we're here to heal the dark around, the dark between each other... we're here to let the light in through all the cracks, and give it free reign...
this is what I see when I paint... the light coming through the cracks....
this need to let it through, through my brushes, onto the canvases, into the world of 3D things, into the world of this space-time... where you and i think we can bend reality to our will... and we can, but not alone, and never in the direction of the dark...
i've been able to traverse that portal many times, sometimes at will ... and not just through yoga, meditation, or any of the normal ways people get to see the face of god ... painting, cooking, holding my nephews as they were born, looking at all the "miracles" that this world and the universe its in lays at our feet, marveling at the beauty... the beauty of the sky full of stars at night, the moon rising over the ocean, a rocket lifting off a pad at the Kennedy Space Center - yes, I am a complete NASA geek - and always, and always, and always, water, being in water, on water, looking at the vast immensity of life and its expression through this simple H2O particle... it's all "the one"... we're all "the one"....
.... it is always there.... and I feel it... and my brushes sense it... and my paintings speak to me of that.... and they won't shut up until the entire message comes through...
... and then there's nothing that stands still...
... we are but stardust, as Carl Sagan said... so we'll always be in motion.... being sucked into a star... exploding into the dark between the stars.... coagulating into new world... becaming the genes of a new species... starting life on another planet, on another galaxy even... who knows...
.... we are
... and we are here now
.... and as much as we know about the universe, about space-time, today we exist in this now...
... as clear as i feel about "the one" as being this permeating, everywhere, at once, always, within, without, in every cell, in very moment in time, this embedded presence into presence... it's not the destination that scares me...
... there are things that scare me, but that's not it...
... a blanc canvas scares me...
.... it means that i'm blocked, and i can't hear / feel / sense the ebb and flow of all of "the one".... or of at least the version that I am able to perceive with my limited abilities in light and color and movement...
... it means that i am not open, that there are blockages that stop the flow of the universe sending knowledge, life, emotion, healing through to me... for me to deliver to you...
... and that means no growth... no realizations in this version of reality... no posibility of bringing light, of widening the cracks in the crust of reality to let in the light... to let in the warm glow of abundance, wholeness, creativity, expansion, supported loving everything... and that's what an artist is for...
... so my journey continues staring at the next blanc canvas and opening my heart up, and letting "the one' guide brush, knivs, colors, hands, body with music - sometimes inner, sometimes of this world - and dance, to its next mirror, my next painting, the mirror i bring to you, to see yourself as you are... and maybe recognize the part in you, the you that are of the universe... the part in you that is light...
